ANGER MANAGEMENT
WRITTEN BY JACO VAN AS
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Confess Our Anger
If we repress our anger rather than confess it, our anger can do all kinds of damage. You may say that you’re not angry but your stomach will keep the score. So, the first thing you must do to control your anger is to confess it to the Lord. Tell Him, “There’s something moving in me I don’t like. And I need You to take control of me and prevent me from acting uncontrollably or unrighteously.”
Consider Our Anger
When you take a step back from your anger and begin to seek understanding from the Lord, He will show you the answer. It is so important to analyse the source of your anger. Psalm 4:4 says, “Stand in awe, and sin not: commune with your own heart upon your bed, and be still.”
Control Your Anger
Now, you’re ready to work on controlling your anger. You say, “I can’t control it.” Oh, yes you can. Proverbs 29:11 says, “A fool utter all his mind: but a wise man keep it in till afterwards.” Fools spout off anything and everything, but a wise man can choose to control his tongue.
Remember that you are in charge
Anger is an expression of frustration and helplessness. Remember that you always have options – you can design your own life. No one can steal your happiness – unless you let them.
Look for the silver lining
There is a silver lining to every disappointment. Your boss fired you and you are furious. Probably it was a blessing. Now you have the opportunity to get a better job that you really enjoy.
Consider forgiveness
Angry and happy don’t mix. Flush out the angry, and the happy has a place to put down roots. Forgive everyone for everything in order to give anger and resentment a chance to fade. Forgive and you can become happy. Forgiving is not a gift to someone else – Forgiving is our gift to ourselves – a great gift – the gift of happiness.
Accept that Life is NOT “Supposed to be Fair”:
Know that there is no single way that life is “supposed” to be. Demanding that life meet our expectations is a sure fire recipe for a miserable existence. Life is a game with no rules. Life just happens to us regardless of our best intentions. To choose happiness, be open to receiving whatever life throws at you – with Gratitude. Have NO Expectations of life.
Other interesting facts within a relationship
Temporarily distance yourself from the situation for a period of time so that both of you can calm down. This allows your bodily systems to return to normal, and allows your normally good reasoning and thinking ability to return.
Why this tool works
Temporarily removing yourself from the situation allows your body to return to normal, provides a cooling-down time. It also allows your brain to return to its normal state where you can reason and think better. This tool helps prevents you or your partner from saying unfair or hurtful things in the heat of battlewhich can easily escalate into further conflicts and resentments, causing you and your partner to become even more emotionally cut-off and distanced from each other.
Some Basic Rules when using this tool:
Rule #1: You can only use the tool for yourself – not your partner.
Rule #2: Announce that you need to take a time out and Retreat before you do it.
Rule #3- You need to commit to a reasonable length of time to return and deal with the issue no longer than several hours, as a general rule.
Rule #4: Don’t drink or use drugs to get high during this time.
Rule #5: Be very careful and very selective in who you talk to during your Retreat Time.
Why is this important? Because they may have a permanently negative view of your partner, even after you have made-up and things are now fixed in the relationship. You can’t necessarily expect your family to turn the positive emotions back on like you have.
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So at the most basic level, the initial step in resolving anger has to be giving way once again to the Lordship of Jesus in our lives. Unless He is the Master all the time and in every area, and unless we are the servants in like manner, our rights and our self will constantly rise up to trouble us at the “most inconvenient times”! So, surrender!
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Scriptures
By a soft answer wrath is turned away, but a bitter word is a cause of angry feelings. Prov 15:1
An angry man makes men come to blows, but he who is slow to get angry puts an end to fighting. Prov 15:18
Be angry without doing wrong; let not the sun go down on your wrath; And do not give way to the Evil One. Let him who was a thief be so no longer, but let him do good work with his hands, so that he may have something to give to him who is in need. Let no evil talk come out of your mouth, but only what is good for giving necessary teaching, and for grace to those who give ear. And do not give grief to the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were marked for the day of salvation. Let all bitter, sharp and angry feeling, and noise, and evil words, be put away from you, with all unkind acts; And be kind to one another, full of pity, having forgiveness for one another, even as God in Christ had forgiveness for you. Eph 4:26-32
