Scenario: A group of teenagers sit in the cafeteria at school and the next minute a fight breaks out between two boys. After pushing each other around, it ends in a fist fight and subsequently both are in the principal’s office, sharing their side to the story.
Naturally it becomes a, You say – I say back and forth conversation, leaving the principal with no other option than calling in witnesses to verify both sides of the story. The reality is, there are always two sides to a story. Sometimes one is clearly to blame and other times, both parties need to take time out to reflect on their behaviour, attitude and bad decisions.
Wait a minute! Did I say scenario? Is this not the story of our lives? Whether it is young ones fighting over a toy, teenagers’ hormones that are out of control or adults acting out like children; the reality is it normally ends up in a You say – I say contest.
Let us talk about You say – I say moments in the workplace. I used to work for a manager who had the ability to calm a storm between colleagues. His approach was soft, yet firm enough to make anyone cry, even if you were not guilty. He used to say that we cannot solve issues by throwing each other with bread like school kids and then think the matter would be resolved.
If it happened, it happened and nothing can change the fact that the incident occurred, that egos were bruised, and feelings hurt. To take up responsibility and move forward in dealing with the matter maturely is what is needed. Sometimes, it does happen that the other party does not see reason or might have a very autocratic approach, especially if it is a senior with a junior colleague.
For me, working for almost 30 years, I have learned the hard way. After being around the block, the same block again and again, I have tried every possible avenue and have taken many turns. From being a clerk and working my way up to becoming a manager, I have had my share of being falsely accused, talked about behind my back, verbally abused, integrity questioned and having to take responsibility for things that was not even supposed to be mine in the first place. Yes, I have had my share of You say – I say!
What about friendships, love relationships and marriage? Does the same not apply? You see, we are all human and we all make mistakes. At some point in our lives, whether young or old, teenager, adult or spouse, we are faced with the same challenges. It is a human reaction to want to defend yourself and there is nothing wrong with that.
However, what is important is how we react when we find ourselves in a You say – I say moment. We need to remember that although we all face these moments, we need to be able to exercise self-control and not allow it to become a war, ending up in fist fights, verbal abuse or adults acting out like school kids who throw each other with bread.
I am taken back to John 18:28 – 40 where the Jewish leaders took Jesus to the palace of the Roman governor. “Pilate came out to them and asked, “What charges are you bringing against this man?” “If he were not a criminal,” they replied, “we would not have handed him over to you.” Pilate said, “Take him yourselves and judge him by your own law.” “But we have no right to execute anyone,” they objected. This took place to fulfill what Jesus had said about the kind of death he was going to die. Pilate then went back inside the palace, summoned Jesus and asked him, “Are you the king of the Jews?” “Is that your own idea,” Jesus asked, “or did others talk to you about me?” “Am I a Jew?”
Pilate replied. “Your own people and chief priests handed you over to me. What is it you have done?” Jesus said, “My kingdom is not of this world. If it were, my servants would fight to prevent my arrest by the Jewish leaders. But now my kingdom is from another place.” “You are a king, then!” said Pilate. Jesus answered, “You say that I am a king. In fact, the reason I was born and came into the world is to testify to the truth. Everyone on the side of truth listens to me.” “What is truth?” retorted Pilate. With this he went out again to the Jews gathered there and said, “I find no basis for a charge against him.”
We see how the You Say – I Say ended up for Jesus. He told the truth and yet Pilate, in fear, did not listen to the Truth but handed Jesus over, allowing the Jews to choose His fate. Perhaps you find yourself in such situations more than often. Today I want to encourage you to not act hastily. When you find yourself in a difficult situation, being attacked, falsely accused and/or verbally abused, stand back.
Breathe deeply, take time out and reflect before you respond. Take that time to pray, and even if your prayer is just the name of Jesus, that is all that is needed. He knows and He understands. Yes, always tell the truth and defend yourself where you must, but do it calmly, in Christ’s love and peace and never ever whilst angry. You might say that for Jesus the story did not end well, but the truth is, it worked out exactly according to God’s plan. Now, because of Him and what He has done, we who are in Him, are free (Romans 8:2).
To end off, I leave you with this: When the devil says something, what do you say? Remember, the devil comes disguised in many ways and use even the best of people in their weakest moments, to try and bring us down. Be sure to know what God says and stand firm in who you are in Him, allowing your response to You say – I say, to be what HE says.
Love in Christ
Princess K