There is an L-word that we all know very well, that is all over scripture and that is holding everything together. This L word is the reason I can write this today, this L word is the reason any of us even have a chance at salvation, and this L word is and always will be the most important thing when it comes to our faith.
Love, love is the reason, love is the way, love is the light and love is the scars on our Saviour’s hands. Much has been said about love and all its colours, shapes and sizes. As a feeling, we are yet to understand it completely, and as an act, we are yet to perfect it, but nevertheless, we know that it is a fundamental part of our existence.
When we get married, this L word is at the centre of it all. It comes easy, it’s in abundance, it drives everything and it feels great. First, we need to understand that love really is a verb, love is everything Corinthians and the rest of scripture say it is (1 Corinthians 13), but it barely has anything to do with how you feel. In Luke 6:27 Jesus said we should love our enemies and He is obviously not talking about feelings here.
When we promise to love each other for the rest of our lives, we are not making a promise to have that warm fussy feeling forever, because we can’t, it is not in our control, but what we are promising, is to DO love for each other for as long as we both shall live, because that is a choice. If we could rely on our feelings, why would we need faith? When God calls us to walk on water, it is not our confidence that will get us to Him, it is our faith, faith is what we choose even when our feelings disagree. With fear we fall, with faith, we fly.
Love feels amazing and that’s great, but it is not always that way, and that does not matter, because love is not supposed to be dependent on how you feel. When it comes to marriage, love as a verb should always be there regardless of how we feel on any given day, but the idea is to enjoy our marriage, right? So how do we keep the feeling of love in the doing of love?
Let’s look at the other L-word, the little L-word. It can go along with the big L-word or not, but when it comes to marriage, it sure makes everything a whole lot more fun if it does. This little word is: Like. When it comes to our feelings in a relationship, this little L is born before the big L and if the big L ever dies, then the little L surely died first.
This sounds silly, but what am I saying? We like each other before we feel love for each other and if we ever stop feeling love for each other, then we have already stopped liking each other for a long time. The first mistake many people make is to believe that like turns into love, but it does not, it always stays two separate things and it is when we start to lose the little L that we stop loving to love each other.
If two people are unhappy in a marriage, the love feeling can survive a long time after the like feeling has died, but if the little L is left dead for too long, eventually the love feeling will die and unfortunately, this will make doing love very hard to do. So it seems, the key is keeping the little L alive, but how do we do that?
We need to remember to enjoy each other when life gets busy and hard to bear. We need to remain best friends and we need to make time and hold on to the things that we like in each other. Then, we need to talk, talking is the most important thing, not just serious talk, but simply just chatting and having a laugh. We are human and humans are like water, we always want to take the path of least resistance, and when we need to relax, socialize and have fun from time to time, we want “fun” to be easy. So what do we do?
We find the path of least resistance, we find people to chat with and laugh with, people who we do not have to live with, have tolerance for, compromise for, care for, people who we don’t have to consider when we need to make decisions or face challenges, because fun is just easier when you don’t have any of that on the table and that is where our little L dies. Now I am not saying we should not have friends, I am saying we should not have replacements for our husbands or wives.
The only way we are going to keep our little L alive in our marriage is if we make time to enjoy life together and to enjoy each other. This way, we will like loving the one we need to love.
May He who has the greatest love of all, bless you and keep you.
In Jesus name, Amen.
Miryna van As
