THE RIGHT APPROACH
In the last couple of weeks, I got myself regularly into some uncomfortable situations, even disagreements. Reflecting on each of them, I realise what the real challenge has been. When things happened, which I did not agree with, or it offended me, I was not happy and then it resulted in a reaction. So far, it sounds all normal and above board, until I reflected much deeper. I realised that the real issue was not the fact that something unpleasant happened, but rather the way in which I dealt with it. I realised once again, terrible things will happen daily, but the way in which I approach it, will determine my happiness.
Having contact with so many people, and listening to them on the challenges they face and the way in which they deal with it, it is clear that we all at some point in time make the mistake of not executing a loving and peaceful approach when having to solve unpleasant matters. Now, I know that this is not easy, as I struggle with this daily. Paul himself, wrote in Romans 7:15 the following: “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.”
Let us look at a real-life example as a scenario. You drive around the shopping mall with two hungry kids in the back, looking for an open parking bay. You see that someone is loading their shopping into their car and you decide to put on your indicator, put the car in neutral and wait for them to pull out. It already takes longer than expected and the driver behind you, gets impatient, honk and then drives past, giving you a stare. That, you can deal with, because you did keep them up, but you also really need to park and get your kids something to eat. However, the next moment the car you are waiting for, pulls out and while you are still getting ready to move forward, an approaching car, slips into the now, long awaited open parking bay. How do you react? I think we will get mixed feelings and hence mixed responses to the question at hand.
I think most people will be furious and yes, it is a normal human reaction. The fact is, you did everything to the book and the other person was impatient, rude, forward, arrogant and showed serious attitude. The matter at hand is that the other person did wrong and there is no doubt about it. Now, does it mean that everyone can just do as they please, hurting others around them through their rudeness and selfishness? No, off course not. However, just like in my previous article, You Are What You Speak, I want to emphasize that you need to allow the Holy Spirit of God to guide you, before you react. If you simply get out of your car and start pointing fingers and shouting, then you don’t display a good character either, and keep in mind that your kids are also in the car. It might even be that the other person is aggressive and then they might get physical towards you.
We all hear of road rage and I have heard of where the person waiting in line at a McDonald’s Drive-Thru got impatient with the one in front, honking and then the driver in front, got out and shot the person in the other car. The truth is, in most cases when you approach a person with aggression and anger, they might just retaliate back at you and it then causes a ricochet effect, going back and forth, instead of moving forward in solving the matter. We all think that we can approach a matter in our desired ways and that we will be able to control it. The reality is, many people are not in the Lord Jesus Christ, and they live for themselves. Hence, when you see someone doing something selfish like that, you can normally expect that they might react rudely and sometimes even violently. If you do decide to approach them while in anger, and they start swearing at you, it will be even harder for you to stand back and not get involved deeper. So, what is the right approach?
Let us start with some Scriptures:
Ephesians 4:2 says: “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”
Ephesians 4:31 – 32 says: “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
Ephesians 5:1 – 2 says: “Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us as a fragant offering and sacrifice to God.”
Ephesians 5:15 – 17 says: “Be very careful, then, how you live – not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore, do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is.”
Ephesians 5:21 says: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
James 1:19 says: “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”
I know that this is Biblical and therefore, it is God’s will. I also know that if a person is not in a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, then they might just say that these are very nice words, but, not implementable. Well, off course they will think like that. It is only when we are in Christ, that our minds are renewed (Romans 12:2), which also means that we should in fact, think, feel and act differently. Yes, we also slip, and make mistakes, but we have the Holy Spirit convicting us immediately and we then ask forgiveness and make every effort to deal with such reoccurring matters, in a Godly way. So, the question again, what is the right approach?
David was bold, He faced the giant who insulted God and His people; but He did it in the name of the Lord. Joseph did not return hatred to his brothers; but with forgiveness and love, welcomed them into his home. In the Parable of the Prodigal Son, Jesus tells us about how the forgiveness and humbleness of a father, welcomed back a lost son. So, again the question, what is the right approach? When we have but one chance to make a difference in someone’s life, even if it is the rude guy who stole your parking bay, do we waste it, or do we use it to God’s advantage? Do we curse and get angry or do we drive away and pray that that person’s heart will be won for the Lord, blessing the person with love, without them even knowing it?
Dear reader, God is very clear that whatever the situation, the right approach is to be humble, gentle, loving and act in peace. Jesus, when he had to face trials, false accusations, beatings, torture, slandering and death, did not get angry. As a matter of fact, He did not even act, other than doing what was expected of Him by His Father. At the end, He even prayed for his enemies, saying in Luke 23:34: “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”
I know that every situation is different. I also know that we all have different emotions, feelings, background and challenges, so we deal with issues differently. Where you are sure that the Holy Spirit guides you to approach and act in love, not anger, then do it. However, keep in mind that Christ Himself, is your example and He gave us clear guidelines in His Word, on what the right approach should be.
Now, after reading God’s Word and reflecting deeper on our own actions, I will leave it up to you to now answer our scenario question for yourself. If it was you in that car, waiting patiently for the parking bay and someone slipped in, without considering you waiting with your indicator on, what will your approach be?
Love in Christ, Princess K