I came from a two bedroom house with 15 other people living there. I grew up in a very violent family. I always felt unsafe. My mom and Dad stabbed each other with butcher knives. They hit each other over the head with frying pans. Added to that, my uncle and mom fought often. They broke glass vases over each other’s heads. Even trying to kill each other.
Most of my older family has been in and out of prison and jails. They had drug and alcohol addictions, often both. In Columbia, Missouri, my uncles where two of the biggest drug lords. The drug of choice was crack.
My mom affected me the most with substance abuse. At times, she was the sweetest, hardest working mom. But when she was drunk, she thought of herself as invincible, able to walk through walls. She became like a female pit bull with the taste of human blood in it’s mouth. She would fight anyone, violently, men or women. And she would win. She fought all of her life, so much so, people became scared of her. Someone even shot her in the leg with a shot gun.
My life was very hard. My brothers, sisters, and I always lacked food. We wore the same clothes. We took care of ourselves, doing what we could to survive. I grew up enrolled constantly in learning and behavioral disability classes. I could not read or write until age 23. School administrators said I tested at a fourth-grade education level.
At six years old, I had already undergone countless instances of physical and sexual abuse. I was taken out of my home at that age and grew up in orphanages. Abusers whipped me with extension cords, tree limbs, and two by fours. For most of my early life, family members and their friends (male and female), plus my mom’s countless boyfriends, all sexually abused me. Even a church leader.
So let me skip ahead and fast forward a lot. At seventeen, I was released from state custody. Around that time, my mom and dad, and grandparents on both sides, and my Auntie, all passed away. I thought my only worth was found in my body… I was a Prostitute, a Madam, a Pimp, and a Porn star.
As transgender, I lived many years on hormones, becoming “a woman.” At that time, I could not pass as a man. I had the estrogen level of a normal female. I was Gay, manically depressed, bipolar, and diagnosed multiple personality disorder. I tried cocaine and marijuana dipped in P.C.P. I used ecstasy, horse tranquilizers, acid, and alcohol. I worked at Gay bars, even performing “in drag” as a female impersonator.
I wanted to commit suicide everyday. I was held at knife point, thrown out of moving cars, attacked by four gang members. I came near death many times. I tried every religion you could think of attempting to find happiness. I went to some of the top witches in the world in this quest. I recieved prayers from the Dali Lama and mystical herbs. Some of the top New Age people in California and over the Internet also influenced me. They were so demonized, some could even walk on water. But there prayers and efforts never worked. I went to them for success and peace, but that never worked, they only made things worse.
Jesus honored the prayer I made around eight years old. I welcomed Him into in my heart back then. And God had His hand on my life.
More fast forwarding. I was in relationship for over five years with another man. Later, Tom and I came to Lord together. That is when I rededicated my life to Jesus. I went to a Pentecostal church. The music was great and the power of God was there. But it was not enough. So as I was about to leave, a little old lady came up to me. She said, “Ma’am, can I pray for you?” I answered, “I am not a Ma’am, but a Sir.” She said, “I am so sorry, Sir. May I pray for you?” She was so kind, I did not want to hurt her feelings. She laid hands on me and cast out legions of demons. All I could feel was the unconditional love of God.
Because of my gender confusion, the Church at that time did not know how to receive me. The pastor would not pray for me. The members of the congregation would not shake my hand. They said I was a lost cause. The church ostracized the little old lady. But she took me under her wing for two years. We would often pray from sunup to sundown. She had me fast on numerous occasions from fourteen to forty days. She had me recite every verse from Genesis to Revelation praying with my name attached, making it personal.
Later Tom got married to a woman. I was the best man at his wedding. They tried to have a child and miscarried. I prayed for them and they had their first kid. But because of the nature of our relationship, we had to go our separate ways. So I was like a house wife going through a divorce. He had taken care of me. I had to learn to take care of myself. I was homeless for two years. Then, I became a part of a Christian rescue mission. It required twenty inner-healing programs and live-in facilities to help me with deliverance. That began thirteen-year journey into wholeness.
Since 2011, God promoted me to walk in vital leadership roles to help others break free. By God’s grace, I have served in many notable prayer, prophetic, healing, and restoration ministries. I have seen God use me to minister to thousands of others on a heart, soul, and spirit level. My ministry could easily be summed up with the Scripture, “Whoever has been forgiven much, LOVES MUCH!”
Kevin Lamont Logan, USA