Little Things

Father in the name of Jesus we come before You and we give You all the glory, honour and praise!  Jesus Christ You are Lord!  Holy Spirit You are alive inside of me and I worship You!  Amen!

Speaking with so many married couples and those engaged to be married, the same thing seems to come up as a point of concern in their relationships.  Words, arguments and hours of silence all about LITTLE THINGS.  When asked to talk about it, people say that they do not understand why they argue over things that are small and insignificant.  The question is however, is it really insignificant and should it be ignored?  Today I want to write about giving attention to the little things that are so easily ignored and which end up being silent killers of relationships and ultimately marriages.

It’s always so much easier to use my own marriage as example then no one feels exposed.  As a married couple we are in Christ and happily married for almost 26 years.  Therefore, we regard ourselves as fit to write a book about what to do, what not to do and what to look out for.  Yet, we still often fall into the trap of not giving sufficient attention to LITTLE THINGS which is 90% of the time the reason for unnecessary conflict. So what are these LITTLE THINGS we need to look out for and why do they have such a negative effect if left unattended?

I think for many people the definition of LITTLE THINGS will differ as we all have different viewpoints on life.  Also, in relationships, there are different outlooks, for example the man might think that something is small and insignificant while the woman feels it is enough to influence a mood or relationship.  Off course, the same apply the other way around.  So let us look at a few very important things listed by couples that I have prayed with, which they regard as little things that has become big things when not attended to:

1. Time & Communication

1. The importance of having individual time to recharge after an event or long day at work.
2. The time to drink coffee together or take a walk, even if it is only 20 minutes.
3. Partner not working late every night of the week.
4. Putting weekends aside for family time.
5. Healthy balance between friendship time and investing in your marriage.
6. Not overloading free hours with dinner dates with friends, hence little time with your partner.
7. Making time to listen and hear each other’s concerns.
8. Allocating sufficient time during a day to do Bible Study and pray together.
9. Giving enough time and space when things heat up in a relationship to just think things through before reacting.
10. Work out your schedule so that you go to bed together. Alone time in bed is healthy for special talks and being together intimately.

2. Energy

Put in an effort to exercise every day.  It does not have to be a gym.  It could be taking a walk, jog or even just the staircase instead of the lift or escalator.  A few sit-ups a day takes not even 5 minutes and could be done before your shower.  Remember exercise boosts your health and energy, helping you to get through the day more easily, giving you extra energy, a clear mind and it holds in great benefits for a healthy sexual relationship (off course for married couples).

2. Self-esteem & Communication

1. Ladies need to believe in themselves and should not compare them with others. You are not as beautiful as someone else.  You are as beautiful as you!  With the exception of a few men who lack self-confidence and then break down their own women, most men who are sincere and love their women, love them just the way they are.  They want you to be comfortable with yourself including your body.  When they do compliment you, say thank you.  So when you are married, wear that special underwear with pride, your man would love you for it.
2. Many people think that men has no self-esteem challenges but this is not true. Many just don’t talk about it for if they do, there is this wrong impression that it shows a sign of weakness.  Men, remember you are created in God’s image and that means that you are perfect in every sense.  For women who are sincere and truly love you, it would not matter how tall you are, whether you have broad shoulders or if you have a six pack.  If she truly loves you, you will be perfect for her.
3. Both men and women, watch out for not falling in the trap of comparing yourself or your partner to others. Hollywood, fashion shows and magazines often put more emphasis on the perfect look and reality is that being human, we tend to compare us to those examples.  Remember, it is still a movie and it is a model dressed up.  Yes, they are beautiful but not everyone looks like that and not every relationship is as perfect as she see on television or in a movie.  Life is real and we need to make our own movies with the ones we love.  So, complement each other and do not compare your love one to someone else.  It really does break down self-esteem when you know you are not good enough for your partner.
4. When you feel down or less pretty on a specific day, tell your partner and pray together. God heals our minds as we pray.  Very important though, listen to each other’s concerns and don’t just think it as insignificant when important to each other.

3. Honesty & Communication

We all know that honesty is part of integrity and in fact therefore not something small.  However, as partners, do we share everything or decide what we want to tell our loved ones?  Did that girl/man at the office hit on you and you know if your share it, your partner will not be happy?  Is there a challenge with the finances but if your share it with your partner she/he will be worried?  Are you feeling ill and hiding it because there are already enough challenges in the house?  Many people simply decide not to share because they don’t want a fight or they just don’t think it was that important to share.  However, many partners would prefer the other to share because that is part of open communication and trust.  Very important, no matter how big or small, share with your partner.  Don’t keep secrets.  To keep back the truth is simply nothing else than a lie.  The truth might hurt but you can work through it together.  However, lies create more hurt for then both need to work through the hurt and there is a trust issue.

4. Effort

Make sure to put in extra effort in all aspects of your marriage with some extra effort to:

1. Say sorry.
2. Be humble.
3. Give 100%.
4. Forgive and forget.
5. Take time out when things heat up.
6. Give each other a healthy space when needed.
7. Make yourself pretty for your partner.
8. Complement each other.
9. Have open communication.
10. Do fun things together.
11. Be friends.
12. Listen with your heart.

Dear reader, the reality is that to secure a happy relationship and marriage, the foundation must firstly be Christ.  In addition, the things mentioned in this article contributes to a happy life.  However, these same things when left unattended becomes obstacles and without realizing it, it builds up to the point where it steals your joy, your friendship and ultimately your marriage.  It makes one wonder, how many marriages ended up in divorce, not because of a third party, but simply because of LITTLE THINGS that were simply not dealt with?

Watch out for the LITTLE THINGS, they matter more than you will ever know.

This article is based on 1 Cor 13, Eph 4:2 – 3, Eph 4:32, 1 Cor 10:13.

Love in Christ, Princess K