IFor some time now I have been wondering: Have I figured out who I am? Do I know what defines me as a person? Am I good enough? So many people talk about how you should find yourself or become the person you were meant to be. Then when, and if you figure that out, you should find your purpose and your life will be fulfilled. Have I found my specific life purpose?
My answer to all of this is: No. No, I do not know, but what I have come to realise is this: It doesn’t matter. Yes, that’s a crazy thing to say you might think, but have we been so caught up in finding the keys, that we haven’t realised the door has been open the whole time? Have we been wasting way too much time trying to understand our own reflection when we shouldn’t even have been looking at ours?
I would say so. You see, Jesus really came to send us on a whole different search party. Right through the new testament, Jesus is preaching change. A change of heart, a change of mind, change of character, reaction and a change of behaviour. Romans 12:2 says that we should be transformed by the renewing of our minds. Jesus preached kindness despite how we are treated, love despite what is shown to us, mercy despite the cruelty we endure and forgiveness despite the worthiness of our adversary. This is not who we are by nature, this is not who I am when I look at me.
What am I saying? I’m saying it doesn’t matter who you think you are, because you need to change anyway! You need to change constantly! You need to develop, grow and strive to live like HE did, to become a living reflection of who HE is. Ephesians 5:1-2 reads: “Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children, and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.” I know not a single one of us is there yet and it will be a journey of a lifetime and nothing less, we might not even ever get there, but that is still okay, because what is even better, is that it won’t ever matter who you are. What we do for the sake of Christ, we do in our loving relationship for Him, but it still does not define our identity.
You see, the key IS Jesus and He opened that door when He chose that cross. It doesn’t matter who you are, and it never will, it matters who He is. We don’t need to understand our reflection, we need to understand His. We don’t need to find ourselves, we need to find Him! We are reunited with the Father because of Christ, not because of anything we are or have thought ourselves to be. Grace is a gift not a reward. If it did matter who we are, then we would find ourselves standing before the King: dirty, undone, unchanged and unreconciled, but it only matters who He is and who He is, is righteousness, redemption, grace, mercy and pure, undying and uncompromised love.
So, no, I do not know exactly who I am, but I know exactly who He is. I do not know if I am good enough or ever will be, but I know He is perfect. I do not know if I have the strength, but I know He will give it to me (Isaiah 41:10). I do not know what lies ahead for me, but He does, and He will be there (Jeremiah 29:11), I don’t know if I would ever have confidence in who I am or if I would ever be proud of myself, but it doesn’t matter, and it shouldn’t. I should have confidence in who He is and have no pride but give Him all the glory.
If we spend more time searching for Christ, learning to recognise the voice of the Shepherd and seeking His will: we will know our purpose for each day, we will know who we are meant to be and what our value is. So, I say, stop trying to find yourself, find Him in all He is. Search long and deep and never stop. He hanged on that cross so you can be free, find Him and you will have fulfilment. He is the truth, the way and the life and no one comes to the Father, it does not matter who you are, no one comes to the Father but through Him. (John 14:6) Don’t waste time trying to figure out who you are, you might end up being disappointed anyway. He knows who you are, He chose you, He called you by name and thought of you before the foundation of the earth, He loves you and wants you to know who He is. You were worth it to Him and that is all that matters.
Lord, clean us from the inside out. Holy Spirit renew our minds and lead us to the fullness of Your truth and who You are. Heavenly Father teach us to be a reflection of Your kingdom so that people might see You in us and not themselves. Take us deeper than we have ever been into who You are and rid us of what is worldly in our hearts. In Jesus name, Amen.