Introvert meets extrovert – Let the games begin

INTROVERT MEETS EXTROVERT – LET THE GAMES BEGIN

Father, who am I that You who created all things, have chosen me? I am honored to be called a daughter of the Most High! Jesus Christ, You are my Redeemer and I declare that You are alive! Welcome in my heart Holy Spirit!

This is the first of a few matrimonial articles, focusing on the word MARRIAGE. The titles of these articles are as follows and in many of these I will reflect on my experience of being married for 25 years:

M – Me, Myself and I

A – Adjust – Introvert meets Extrovert

R – Rock Solid

R – Relax

I – Inspire

A – Affection

G – Grow

E – Eternal

Do you remember the first time when you saw your partner and the feelings that it stirred up inside of you? I remember how I felt 25 years ago when I met the love of my life. I was 18 and he, 23. I remember how my stomach turned on the inside and how my heart was pounding so hard that I was convinced he could hear it sitting next to me. Not only was I in love, I was lost in that love. Nothing else was more important than seeing him and spending time with him. I could not sleep nor eat and every time the phone rang I pushed everyone out of the way, knowing it was for me. He saw in me, what every else obviously missed. He treated me like a princess, his princess. I obviously did the same to him, as he chose me to become his bride.

So, you have fallen in love and got married and now honeymoon is over and real life as married couple kicked in. No more visiting, but a matter of living together, sharing everything that previously only had one owner. Previously it did not matter how either did things differently because the “in love” feeling was greater than the few things you did not like. However, now being married the focus has shifted from you and me, to us. Introvert meets extrovert in full force and suddenly individual preferences becomes stronger. Often in order to survive, the me, myself and I stand up. She is introverted and he well spoken. She wants reflection time, he wants to move on. She prefers alone time once in a while, he wants friends over every weekend. She wants clothes to be put in the cupboard, he sees it unnecessary as he will be wearing it again tomorrow. Does this all sound familiar? In the beginning you swallow and smile but after many years of the same things repeating itself, it tends to get out of hand and unnecessary words are spoken and actions taken which often when not resolved ends up one of the reasons for divorce, with people saying something like “we are just to different and not really compatible.”

It is normal for a person to desire to be heard and considered. So when that freedom of speech is suppressed on a continuous basis over some time, it will manifest somewhere else as something else. Some people are challenged with depression, others loose interest in their partners, some simply feel that love has died and others loose every bit of respect they had for their spouse. They often then, when not allowed to speak their mind at home, force themselves on others at work or amongst their friends only to lose their respect as well. What would be typical things not dealt with in a marriage? It could be many of which I mention a few:

• Time to hear each other’s hearts about the things you do not appreciate.
• Consideration of each other’s preferences and feelings.
• Making time to do something special to rekindle that special love.
• Stand back when the mood is not great and allow the other person “me” time to reflect.
• Not being judgmental.
• Putting in an effort to stay healthy, dress well and making your spouse say “WOW” when they see you.
• Not comparing your partner with someone else etc.

What I am trying to say is that you married the love of your life because of who he/she is, so don’t try to change them to become you. I’m sure you don’t want to be married to yourself? Adjustment is inevitable. To survive you have to adjust but this does not mean that you lose yourself. You are still the one who he/she fell in love with, but simply choose to adjust to accommodate the preferences and feelings of both. That is why it is also important to sit down prior to the marriage and again once married and come to certain agreements. Also do not try to reach agreements on things when the mood is not right. Cook a great dinner, sit down and relax and agree to discuss matters as part of a family meeting. Each get a chance to say how they feel and make suggestions to solve it. What is then important is to keep to those agreements. Remember, if you want someone to take note of how you feel, you must speak up. Again remember it is not about speaking up but about how you do it and when you do it. If it is judgmental, you will not get the desired response you are looking for. Over the years, I have learnt that I do not have to compete for a place in the house. I should know my place as God already ordained that for me in the Word.

So, whether introvert or extrovert, allow yourself to be you, but with a twist. Stay humble, don’t allow the me, myself and I to take over. Share your feelings and come to an agreement to adjust in your ways where need be. Remember, you are fearfully and wonderfully made (Ps 139:14) and therefore you are worthy. Your worthiness does not come from how others define you. Your worthiness is sealed in Christ. Furthermore, stay humble in everything you do, then God will lift you up (James 4:10). When both husband and wife applies this truth in the Word of God, I tell you today that together in Christ you both will have no difficulty in facing challenges coming your way.

Do I still after 25 years feel like I am my husband’s princess? Yes, I do! Does my stomach still make a turn when he walks into the house after a day’s work? Yes it does! Has everything been sunshine and roses? Off course not! We are only human and for 25 years we have worked through me, myself and I as well as made many adjustments. We are still introvert verses extrovert and from time to time there are still games but with one difference, we both walk away as winners!

Lots of love

Princess K

Scripture is from the New International Version