Affection

AFFECTION

Father God here I am, humbled in Your presence for You God Almighty have chosen me to be Your child. I am so honored to call You my Father. I love You God. Jesus, I love You and I honour You as my Saviour! Holy Spirit, I have no words to say how I feel about You. You have my heart and I ask You to take over every thought and action of my life. In Jesus name! Amen!

This article on Affection is the next in the range of matrimonial articles, focusing on the word MARRIAGE.

M – Me, Myself and I

A – Adjust – Introvert meets Extrovert

R – Rock Solid

R – Relax

I – Inspire

A – AFFECTION

G – Growth

E – Eternal

I realised as I was preparing to write this article that all humans seek love and affection, although you find people who say they don’t. Many have been hurt by past experiences and hence they protect their hearts and emotions by running away or blocking out affection for the fear of being disappointed again. Others grew up with little or no example of affection between parents and hence they simply follow the lead. However, we are created in God’s image (Gen 1:27) and God is love (1 John 4:8) and therefore the true example of affection. He showed affection beyond human understanding in the way He loved and reached out to the poor and sick. His ultimate act of affection was when He gave His son Jesus Christ to die for us whilst we were still sinners (John 3:16).

Most love stories start with a man and women meeting each other and the emotions stirred up leaves both with increased heartbeat and a turn in the stomach, mixed with nerves and excitement. You don’t want the feeling to stop and the day can’t get by quick enough for you to see each other. You write text messages till what time at night and can speak on the phone for hours. Nothing else matters anymore, only that person who stole your heart. The feeling turns to deeper love and ultimately the couple gets married and build a family. What a lovely love story. Five, ten and twenty years go by and the family now has a tight schedule with the husband and often also the wife having to work late hours to provide for the family. Time is precious and to keep all in the family sane, first priority goes to putting food on the table and looking out for the kids. In all of this, up pops the question…….do you still show affection to your spouse as you should?

According to the online dictionary, the definition of affection is: “a gentle feeling of fondness or liking” and synonyms include words such as “fondness, love, tenderness, devotion, care, friendliness, intimacy, respect, admiration etc.” One realises that these words explain the in-love feeling for many, but at the same time it describes a wish list for many who have been married for years and long to once again have that sense of affection in their lives. Is this where you find yourself right now? Why, in so many marriages, does affection gets lesser as the years of marriage increase? Many people whom I have journeyed with in prayer responded with reasons such as No time, Kids, Tiredness, Work, No more in-love feeling.

So many romantic movies are filmed and thousands of people stream to the movie theatres every year to watch movies of affection and true love. My favourite includes Titanic and The Notebook. I took some lines of affection from The Note Book:

• “I am nothing special; just a common man with common thoughts, and I’ve led a common life…But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who’s ever lived: I’ve loved another with all my heart and soul; and to me, this has always been enough.”
  

• “You Belong With Me.”
  

• “I think our love can do anything we want it to.”

These words meant from the heart of the one you love, restores love in any person. However it is more than just watching a movie. Some people after watching the movies want to work on restoring affection in their marriage, whilst others refer to it as a dream.

As husband and wife I encourage you to look out for the traps that wants to steal your love and affection for each other. Identify it, avoid it and when you have fallen into the trap, get out immediately. These includes things such as the following but are not limited to:

• Not having Christ as the rock of your life and the foundation of your marriage
• Working extra-long hours at work
• Substance abuse such as alcohol and drugs
• Not working through past childhood and romantic broken relationships – these could negatively influence your view of what affection is or how you receive and show it in your marriage
• Hooked on friends instead of your spouse
• Following this wrong idea that in-love is only for newly-weds
• Not making time for communication with your spouse
• Not showing respect for another

God is love and his love and affection towards us never changes. Even when we have busy schedules and spend little time with Him, He still does not change. If we feel far from Him, it is because we have moved away and spent less time with Him. Jesus wants time with you and as you make time for Him, you will feel Him and hear Him and this dear reader is staying in love with Jesus. The more you experience Him, the more you want to be with Him. Your relationship with your spouse is exactly the same. In any relationship, love needs time and commitment. To say you love each other but to never talk or see each other will simply not work and will soon result in distance and no room for affection. You have to put in time and effort to have good communication, feel loved, appreciated and experience affection.

Here are some advice on how to work at keeping affection strong in your marriage:

• Build your life, marriage, friendship and every decision on Jesus Christ, the rest will follow (Mat 6:33)
• Don’t lose your friendship after getting married
• Set personal time aside for each other, even if it is a nice talk over a cup of coffee after the kids went to bed
• Do special things for each other without it being an effort
• Know your spouse’s goals and help him/her to achieve it
• Compliment your spouse
• Let your spouse know that they mean the world to you
• Do not compare your spouse with others
• Appreciate your spouse’s body even if years have passed by – you should always be the most beautiful person to each other with no need to look around
• Hold hands & hug each other regularly
• Be gentle in your approach
• Forgive each other for mistakes made
• Respect each other and make sure that the kids show respect to your spouse
• Avoid conflict – apologize and move on
• Make an effort to be well groomed
• Leave little notes for each other
• Don’t belittle each other
• Show respect
• Have picnic in the garden – even if it is after 8pm when the kids sleep
• Have at least one date per month (dinner, movie, stroll in the park, shopping together etc)
• Kiss – yes, kiss intimately and not just hello and goodbye – kiss like when you dated
• Know the intimacy needs and desires of your spouse
• It should not always be about the sex – flirt, wink from across the room, make your spouse’s heart beat faster and hence stay in love all the time

In closure, know that affection is a result of love. Work at it! Satan hates love as Ultimate Love on the Cross concurred death and hell. He will always try to break up love so be alert and work at keeping love and affection in your marriage. Praise God, after 26 years, my husband and I are still in love. We love, joke and do almost everything together. He is not just my husband, he is my friend. Our marriage is built on Christ and when satan attacks, we submit to God, resist the devil and he flees (James 4:7).

If you are experiencing affection in your marriage, keep working at it, stay alert and stand against satan’s attacks by putting on the full armor of God (Eph 6). If you are in a very difficult situation in your marriage where you feel there is simply no more love and hope, I want to tell you that God can change your situation around. It is never too late; but you must want it, must have faith in Him and let Him fight for you! He separated the sea (Ex 14) for the Israelites to pass through when it seemed hopeless. He raised Lazarus from the dead (John 11). Trust Him, He can change your situation around (Mark 10:27). If you have challenges to keep affection strong in your marriage, sit with your spouse and unpack the suitcase to determine what went wrong. Work on a strategic plan to make improvements but start off with making sure that Christ is the foundation. Then, take it step by step and remember sometimes change takes time. Don’t rush it and celebrate every victory. Keep the faith, don’t delay and start today.

Lots of love, Princess K

References:  www.crosswalk.com  www.marriagemissions.com