It is August 2021, the beginning of Women’s Month in South Africa. I am grateful to share a special message with all readers and not just women. You see, once you get to understand women, your life will be so much easier. If you are a woman, you need to embrace all of who you are and what God intended you to be, so that you will be fearless in this world whilst executing your role and purpose.
I was reading some jokes about women. Now I am not a comedian and not the one to get people to laugh, but here we go: “If a woman says: “do what you want!” Stand still, don’t blink, don’t answer, don’t even breath, just play dead.” The other one was: “Behind every angry woman, stands a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong.”
We laugh about these jokes and quotes, but being a woman, mom, sister and grandmother, I have learned some things in my 50 years of life. Speaking from experience and journeying with many women facing severe challenges and hurt because of rejection, abuse and neglect, I have concluded that many women are misunderstood, devalued, unappreciated, underestimated, rejected and abused. These women become “hard” on the inside and leave little room for leniency towards others, especially men.
I have had a look into the lives of women close to me and those we have ministered to, through Jesus to My Rescue (JTMR) Ministries and in almost all cases, the same issues were prevalent. Here are some of the things that came out:
- I was sexually abused.
- I was touched inappropriately.
- I was raped.
- I have been rejected all my life.
- I am damaged goods, worthless, ugly and fat.
- I was not allowed to follow my dreams.
- I am alone and feel rejected by my partner.
- I am stuck in an abusive relationship and there is no way out.
If you are reading this today and can relate to any of these comments/situations, then know that you are not alone in feeling like this. There are many out there who feel just like you and can relate to what you have been through, even to the point of living in fear and feeling like all hope is lost. If this is you today, I want to encourage you to stand in God’s Truth and not to give up.
God created you in His image (Genesis 1:27), making you unique, special, able, creative, and strong. Remember, God does not make junk. A baby that is born, does not come out as a weakling or as damaged goods. Life happens, choices influence, and then we become the products of those things that happened to us. What is important to know is that we do have a future in Christ. Therefore, we should not allow our past to dictate our future, no matter if it was a person, action or wrong decision.
Today you might feel tired, worthless, used, invisible and unappreciated; but don’t you also see how strong you are? Created in God’s image, you are equipped with Godly abilities and strength. You do belong, because you have a Father, in God (Matthew 6:9 – 13) who loves you unconditionally (John 3:16). Psalm 28:7 says: “The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and He helps me.” This was not just for David, but it is also for me and you, today.
As women, we have many roles to play. Let me share my own “duty sheet” with you. I am a wife, mother, grandmother, lover to my husband, cleaner, chef, advisor, councillor, educator, coach, mentor, protector, healthcare worker, provider, comforter, advocate, driver, researcher, accountant, motivator, planner, organiser and so the list goes on. This is not even my duties as a full-time employee in the corporate world. Don’t get me wrong; I love my role and duties that God has given me, but the truth remains that they are time consuming and that is often why women are the last to go to bed, survive on little sleep, and are masters in multitasking.
I remember when my son was bullied in primary school and my daughter as an adult, falsely accused of something she was not guilty of. As mom, you want to get involved, fight their battles for them and remove their hurt. Yes, you will fight tooth and nail to help, protect and support those that you love. You will give up your portion of food, your last cent and even your life so that your loved ones are safe and taken care off.
I think these qualities, love and unselfishness often gets overlooked and thus very often the reason why children and husbands becoming content with wives and mothers, saying things like “she’s got it and she is always there to do it.” It is true, we are always there and yes, we will do everything we can. However, we also need to be heard, seen, appreciated, loved and need time out, not only once a year on Mother’s Day.
Some characteristics of women and mothers, as described by others include being loving, caring, courageous, God fearing, honourable, good example, rock, pillar, superhero, unselfish and the glue that holds the family together. I recall how my mother, who is now with the Lord, would sit next to my bed, taking care of me as an adult, when I was sick.
She had her own household, but even gave up the little time she had for herself, to continue to care for me. This is how strong God had made us as women and although this is praiseworthy, we as women also need to be good to ourselves. If we don’t take time out and rest, we will burn ourselves out and if we collapse, of what use will we be then to others?
As women, we need to balance our lives so that we also have opportunities to follow our dreams and aspirations. We need to set boundaries to ensure that we have time to be good to ourselves. To share a few could include:
- All retire to their rooms by a certain time in the evening for personal time. They could sleep early, play games, read or do homework.
- Have family meetings once a week to check in on family matters. Share a pizza and invest in each other, by listening and each sharing the good, bad and ugly of their week. This gives an opportunity to share, minister and pray as a family and it is a good way to stay up to date with the challenges that might need additional attention.
- Once a month have a date breakfast, lunch or night with your spouse, hence no kids allowed. Get a sitter, if needed, and ensure that you spend quality alone time together.
- Set aside 30 minutes a day for the family to do something fun together, like playing a game, taking a swim, going for a walk or riding bikes. This is fun, relaxing and healthy.
- Yes, you have time to work for the Lord. The first kingdom that God has given you, is your family, so by spending quality time with them, you can minster God’s Word to them, pray with them and show them how to lead by example. Then, there is the way that you minster within your broader family lines, between colleagues and your neighbours. None of this requires extra time as you need to see, speak and meet with them regularly.
- To save time, listen for meaning and trigger points when people, like your family, speak. Then issues can be more easily identified and addressed, instead of building up and then taking up more time later.
- As a family, agree on distributing chores in and around the house so that not everything is mom and dad’s responsibility. This is something your need to introduce from the beginning of dating and once you have kids, from a young age. Shared responsibility gives more time for everyone to do something in their own time, that they love. In your case as wife and mom, it might be a sport, to read a book, or to study something you have always been interested in.
So, if you are tired and weary, feel alone, overwhelmed, lost and empty, DON’T GIVE UP! Get up, make changes and try again, because WOMEN DON’T GIVE UP! Fight for love, your family, marriage, children and yourself. Don’t fight with screaming, forcing and threatening. Speak up firmly, yet calm. Have a balance and in all, be a warrior on your knees, a fighter in Christ, stay humble, kind and show acceptance, love and compassion.
To all the men and kids out there, Mother Teresa said: “Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat.” So, know your wife, mom, sister and friend. Listen to their hearts and give them the love, respect and time that they need. To all the women out there, Mother Teresa said: “Do ordinary things with extraordinary love. Wherever God has put you, that is your vocation. It is not what we do but how much love we put into it.”
1 Corinthians 13:13 says: “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” Let us, as women, never give up on our dreams, aspirations, kids, spouses and families. Keep the faith and hope, whilst continuing to execute the responsibilities that God has given us, in and with love.
Love in Christ
Princess K