Growth

“Here I am to worship, here I am to bow down, here I am to say that You’re my God.  All together lovely, all together worthy, all together wonderful to me.”  Amen!

This is the second last matrimonial article, focusing on the word MARRIAGE and it will discuss the importance of Growth in your marriage.

M – Me, Myself and I

A – Adjust – Introvert meets Extrovert

R – Rock Solid

R – Relax

I – Inspire

A – Affection

G – Growth

E – Eternal

One would think that after a few years of marriage, a couple would know everything there is to know about each other. Correct? Well, I’m not so convinced that the answer in always yes.  When I talk to couples it seems that they know each other’s weak points and trigger points very well, but surely there is more to a friendship in a marriage than that.

When you fall in love with the one you want to spend the rest of your life with, you make an effort to get to know that person before you get married.  However, as much as you think you know someone, the actual growth kicks in the longer you spend time together.  Hence, once married, the little things you use to ignore, now becomes irritating issues and when not solved, it creates arguments.  Unsolved arguments can result in challenges in your love life and intimacy is directly affected.  This is a critical stage of red alert, as love is why you married in the first place.

When I pray and have conversations with couples, it is often mentioned that in their relationship with their spouse, they feel alone and that the one does not understand the other’s goals, dreams and way of thinking.  Well, this is not something that cannot be solved.  What is critical in any relationship, whether you are just dating, engaged or married for years, is that you have to learn to grow with that person.  Remember we are all growing in every aspect of our lives as life takes us on life’s journey.  We don’t all know everything about life or even ourselves and hence we grow as time grows.  However, what is important is that you have to grow together.

Communication is therefore vital in the growth process.  Even before you get married and then also thereafter, make sure that you spend quality time together to get to know each other on a deeper level.  Yes, one could pull out many books and research articles by Psychologists and marriage counselors on what to do and not to do, but my advice listed below is based on my relationship with Jesus Christ and 26 years of marriage.

Get to know about each other:

• Strengths and weaknesses.
• First and second choices.
• Favourite colors.
• Favourite food and drinks.
• Favourite treats.
• Favourite places.
• Favourite stores.
• Passions, talents and dreams.
• Life goals.
• Heart desires.
• Intimacy needs.
• Romantic needs etc.

I have named but a few things, yet they are things of utmost importance.  What we need to remember is that one should not just know these things but one should know why your spouse has identified those choices.  Also respect each other’s differences whilst being prepared to adjust where needed to make the relationship work, without completely changing yourself or expecting the other person to change completely for you.  Remember, you don’t want to change a person into becoming you because then it will be like being married to yourself.  Furthermore, remember that as people grow in themselves whilst on life’s journey, they too will adjust in the choices they make.  Grow with your spouse.  When both the husband and the wife makes the decision to grow together, it just makes the process easier.  When you know what to expect, you can be prepared to act and react accordingly when challenges arise.

Remember, a tree does not automatically rise to a great height in a few days after the first sign of life occurred.  No, it starts of as a seed and then it grows high after having fertile soil with plenty of water.  When any plant and flower gets the right amount of attention, it blooms but you need to know how much water and fertilizer it requires.  You need to know whether it wants a lot of sunlight or does it prefer to grow in the shade.  It also ankers itself in the ground through its roots.  The same applies for your marriage.  Start off in the right manner by having Jesus Christ as the King of your hearts and base all your decisions on His guidance.  Hence, it is critical to grow together, but to grow together in Christ.  When you as individuals grow in Christ, growth in your marriage is guaranteed.

• Col 1:9 – 10: “….We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of His will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please Him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God.”
• Ps 92:12 – 14: “The righteous will flourish like a palm tree, they will grow like a cedar of Lebanon; planted in the house of the Lord, they will flourish in the courts of our God.  They will still bear fruit in old age, they will stay fresh and green.”

Dear reader, make time, yes even after being married for twenty years, to keep growing with your spouse.  Make sure to share your heart and dreams with each other and you will grow the most beautiful flowers together.  Others would see the flowers you grow and they would want to pick them for their garden, but rather share your secret of growing in Christ with them so that that too can produce flowers of their own.

Lots of love, Princess K