I remember my parents telling us stories of when they were kids and what life was like. My dad’s parents were farmers and they lived a hard life making sure that there was food on the table. I realise that although they lived in a completely different era, they still experienced the pressures of life and hence it influenced their families and marriages.
Now, many years later, we are the parents and have kids of our own. As 21st century couples, we realise that life is full, and there is little time for relaxation, vacation, and spending time with the kids. From bed to dropping the kids at school and finally hitting peak traffic before clocking in at the office, is a big rush. Then there are meetings, presentations and conferences and before you know it, it is back to rush hour traffic and then to repeat the daily routine by collecting the kids from sports, getting home, cooking, homework, housework, and then back to bed. Oh, and where exactly was the time allocated to your spouse?
Our parents also had full schedules, and now with us as 21st century couples, the demands are even greater. We must get the balance right between work, kids, spending time with ourselves, our spouses and most importantly, the Lord. It sounds almost impossible, yet nothing is impossible with God (Mark 10:27).
God says to us in Matthew 6:33 to first seek His Kingdom and His righteousness and then the rest will be added to us as well. Start your day in prayer with the Lord. It does not have to be long but speak with Him when you wake up and then throughout the day. Be creative and listen to worship music and the Word of God, whilst you travel to work. What better way to spend your time in traffic? Also, at night, make sure to allow the kids to tell you about their day. Read to them from the Word of God as a family and say prayers with them.
Regarding your spouse, remember that quality is more important than quantity. Yes, off course it would be nice to spend at least 2 hours a day with each other, but when kids are young and time is little, focus on quality time, rather than quantity. It is important to know your spouse and what their love language is. Also, come to an agreement that at least once a month, you have a date. Sometimes when the kids are little, there is not always someone available to look after them at night, so be flexible.
You can alternate and have morning, afternoon and where possible, evening dates. Remember what your spouse likes and work those ideas into the dates. It can be a trip to the park, a picnic, a fun park, window shopping, dinner, ice skating, a movie or even just a nice bonfire in the backyard, with a favourite drink and snacks. In between, make time to hear each other’s hearts. Therefore, have at least one cup of coffee/tea before bed, sharing the good, bad and ugly of the day and ending it off with reading from God’s Word and praying together.
As couples, remember to show your love to your spouse in the way that is important and special for them. Communicate daily, not just about your children or work, but about yourself, how you feel and what you need. For most women it is important that they are heard and loved, not just being required to give romance (sex). On the other hand, most husbands need romance (sex) and want to be build up, knowing that they are good enough.
I want to say to all the couples out there, that you are not alone in feeling the pressures of life and the demands that it brings. Make sure that you also take care of yourself. Take 20 minutes for an exercise routine, have a hot bath, or read an interesting article. You need to recharge, so that you can give of yourself. Make sure that you know your spouse, grow together, and have fun together.
Never forget that you started off as friends, so make sure that your friendship stands firm, no matter the challenges. Always be open and honest with each other and show mutual respect for each other’s opinions. Lastly, continue to stand united as a couple. God is very clear on this, for He says in Mark 3:25 that a house divided against itself, cannot stand.
To all the 21st century couples out there, build your marriage on the Lord Jesus Christ. Grow together, stand together and then you will stay together.
Love in Christ, Princess K