How to love someone without getting hurt

Princess K    August 5, 2010    Comments Off on How to love someone without getting hurt

Father God, I honour Your Holy Name!  Jesus Christ, I adore You and You alone, above everything else in my life.  Holy Spirit, You reign in my heart and in my life.  Amen!

When I look at my life, I realise that I am a truly blessed woman.  I have a wonderful husband, who will do anything for me.  He never complains when I have to work late and always helps me to cook and clean.  To give you an example.  A week ago, I was delivering a message from God to a group of woman at a ladies breakfast and was out of the house from about 08:00 till 14:30 and then still went birthday shopping for my son till after 17:00.  When I returned home, he did so many special things in and around the house for me.  This made me realise again, how special he makes me feel in his own way.  So, it made me think.  There might be times in my relationship with him, when I’m hurt, but don’t I also hurt him?.  There may be times when I expected a different approach to something, but do I always approach him as God expects from me?

The Word of God says in Ephesians 5:31 (NIV), that when you marry, you become one with your partner and therefore you do in fact change to some degree.  However, we should still remain a part of who we are, who we have been created by God.  So here you have two people with two personalities becoming one.  This in itself tells me that giving up a part of your own self is inevitable whether it is the way you think or do things.  There is nothing wrong in this, because when two become one, it is normal to go through these processes.  However, it is when one of the partners forces his/her personality and preferences on the other one, becoming forceful, disrespectful and dominant.  In this process it often means that the other one in that relationship dies from within and it feels like life has been ripped from your heart.  You simply walk, talk and do as instructed, sometimes in fear.  This is where we get it all wrong.  We need to stop, rewind and go back to the Word of God and read the scripture on Ephesians 5:22 – 33 (NIV) on the instructions from God to both the husband and the wife.  It does happen, where one of the partners do not yet have a relationship with Christ but that does not mean that you, who do know Christ, can give up on your responsibilities as instructed in the Word.

On the other hand, there is the rest of your family and also your friends, standing in a relationship with you.  The point I am making is that whether it is your partner, your children, your parents or your friends, it means that at some point, you give up something of yourself, which is not necessarily bad.  We need to meet each other half way to ensure that a relationship works.  However, often something happens in that relationship that causes hurt.  Perhaps something was said, perhaps something was done, that caused you pain.  In other instances, you might have expected a reaction and it did not happen as you have expected it, and that caused you pain.  As parents, we grow older and expect our children to always love and care for us, but perhaps you are at a point in your life, when your child pushes you away and that hurts greatly.  It also happens that you have spent a life time with someone, thinking that you have known them, only to find out that they have broken your trust.  Perhaps you have been so happy in a relationship, but lost a loved one whose life had come to an end on earth.

Where am I going with all of the above?  You are uniquely created in God’s image. Yes you are!  You are in relationships, whether you want it or not because you are moving around people at home, at church or at work.  We experience joy and pain, sometimes simultaneously in our lives.  Many instances, we can avoid our own pain, through what we choose and then sometimes without asking for it, hurt simply gets thrown your way.  So how do we deal with this hurt?  God does not just ask you to get over it.  However, He expects from us to come to Him and give it to Him to deal with.  Don’t try to do it yourself as it will just cause more pain.  Firstly pray to God and hand it over in faith (Matthew 11:28 – 30 – NIV) and then believe that He will help you through it (Joshua 1:9 – NIV Version).  Always remember that healing starts with forgiveness and that means putting all the hurt of yesterday behind you (Philippians 3:13 – NIV).

Does all of the above mean that you don’t want to be in relationships, that you rather withdraw to avoid any hurt?  Remember, hurt is inevitable and we have a choice whether we get stuck in it, or rise above it, taking it on as a process of growth.  All I’m trying to say is don’t run away from relationships because of hurt, rather face it with God’s power.  We all want to be loved in one way or the other, but how do you love someone, without getting hurt?  Hurt is unavoidable, but it is what you do with it, that determines your future.

With lots of love in Jesus Name

Princess K